Ah, the joys of perusing holiday stock art. Endless catalogs of festive trees, sparkling stars, and jolly old St. Nicks. But occasionally, you’ll come across some things that leave you wondering just how much egg nog the artist or photographer had imbibed beforehand. That might explain some of the following bizarre images. Enjoy, and if you can improve on any of my captions, please share your own in the comments!
All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. And a nose, mouth, and arms.
Frosty the Hitman
It’s not the gift, it’s the thought that counts.
Santa, during his brief stint as drummer for the Clash
Naughty children get a Santa CHOP!
Every year, Pierre wished for a body for Christmas…
There was tension on Christmas Eve when Mrs. Bates and Norman’s new girlfriend showed up wearing the same outfit.
Behold the optimized gift-giving workflow of Christmas 2.0
Solving once and for all the age old riddle of which came first, the Kringle or the egg?
Leave nothing to chance this Christmas with military-grade anti-fruitcake protective gear.
Jane wished so hard for that lump of coal to turn into a diamond that it did! And she went blind.
Zat you, Sauna Claus?
Know who’s drunk at the office Christmas party? THIS GUY!
Uncle Lou rarely wore hats, except for his favorite Santa cap.
Finally found the perfect card for my dear old pal, First_Name Last_Name
A tragic example of selfie destruction
We wish you a merry cthulhumas, we wish you a merry cthulhumas…
Holiday tip: don’t spike the egg nog with LSD.
Forget the milk and cookies! Santa wants Babaganoush this year!
No one could unwrap a gift faster than Marcie.