Grace Under Fire: Tips for Responding to Negative Feedback via Social Media

Mike Rankin

If you were anywhere near the Internet last week, chances are good that you read about—or maybe even witnessed in realtime—one of the most spectacular social media meltdowns in recent history. And even if you didn’t, you could probably see its flames and smoke on the distant horizon just by looking out your window.

For anyone who missed it, a brief recap: The season finale of the reality television show Kitchen Nightmares featured a restaurant called Amy’s Baking Company in Scottsdale, Arizona. Its owners were depicted in an unflattering light, to put it mildly. They were shown abusing their staff, throwing tantrums in response to mild criticism, insulting customers, and admitting to pocketing tips left for their servers.

Figure 1: The owners of Amy’s Baking Company demonstrated their talent
for cooking up trouble on Facebook.

Viewers might be forgiven for wondering if reality shows like Kitchen Nightmares portray reality accurately, and whether they really give their guests a fair shake. Maybe the owners of Amy’s Baking Company were the victims of selective editing and staged confrontations? Maybe it was all a televised smear job?

But then the owners took to their business’s Facebook page to confirm all the worst impressions the show’s audience had formed. In response to critical comments from viewers, the postings from Amy’s Baking Company started out defensive, then became angry and insulting, and finally devolved into a jaw-dropping string of all-caps rants punctuated with obscenities and irrational threats. You can see plenty of examples courtesy of this Buzzfeed posting that quickly went viral.

Figure 2: This is actually one of the tamer Facebook postings the owners made
during their toxic series of tirades.

And the wreckage is still burning as of this writing—so if you’re the kind who can’t look away from a spectacle like this, you can follow the continuing drama just by searching Google News.

The whole episode has been much discussed throughout the social media world, and the obvious consensus seems to be that it’s an object lesson in how not to respond to negative feedback—a classic example of what you might call “worst practices” for interacting with your audience on Facebook.

But now that we’ve seen the don’ts played out in dramatic fashion, maybe it’s a good time to also look at the do’s. With the mortifying example of Amy’s Baking Company’s self-immolation still lingering in the air, this seems like an ideal moment to talk about some positive approaches for dealing with negative feedback.

Obviously the owners of Amy’s Baking Company are an extreme case—they ran their business badly, painted a target on themselves by allowing TV cameras to document their dysfunction, and then did pretty much everything wrong in responding to the commenters on their Facebook page.

But you don’t have to be dysfunctional or paranoid to worry about worst-case scenarios. What do you do if customers criticize, complain, or attack you in public? Is it possible that your social media presences can be turned against you, and do your business more harm than good? Is there a way to minimize the damage, and maybe even turn the situation into a win?

1. Don’t Post In Anger — Especially When Posting As Your Business

First things first. The advice I give for handling personal arguments online is even more important when you’re representing your business: never post in anger.

It’s true that timely responses matter in social media — but if the comments you’re receiving are getting you hot under the collar, it most cases it’s permissible to give yourself a little time to cool down before you respond. And it’s definitely better to wait a little than to risk posting intemperate comments that you’ll regret later.

As the owners of Amy’s Baking Company proved, responding to angry comments with anger of your own is pretty much the equivalent of trying to put out a kitchen fire by pouring cooking oil on top of it. So if you need a cooling-off period, take it. Go for a walk. Make some tea. Take out your anger on a video game or an actual punching bag, if necessary.

When you do respond, remember that you must be calm, diplomatic, and courteous even in disagreement. Keep your responses stoic and rational. Try imagining that you’re a Vulcan and channel your inner Spock.

Which brings me to this important point…

2. Remember That a Soft Answer Can Turn Away Wrath

One of the most important tips to keep in mind may seem counterintuitive, or at least counterinstinctive. But when you’re responding to negative feedback online, you can’t fight fire with fire. You have to fight it with sympathy, sincerity, and kindness.

To some extent this is customer service 101 — and when this subject comes up I always think back to my six-month stint in the early ’90s, working as a barista for a certain ubiquitous coffee chain, wearing that incredibly flattering bright green apron and hat, and trying to deal with the histrionics of customers who were incredibly fussy about their complicated coffee orders — sometimes to the point of hysterical tantrums.

Fortunately, I had a smart manager at the time who took me aside and gave me the key bit of insight I needed to get through those caffeinated crises. She explained that when a customer complains, the first and most important thing they want is to be listened to — patiently and with a sympathetic ear.

The reality is that in our overstressed, road-rage-driven world, people carry around a lot of anger and resentment over situations they can’t control — and they often wind up transferring that bottled-up anger onto the first unfortunate customer service person who blunders into their path.

So the main thing that most angry customers want is an opportunity to vent their frustration and anger, and know that they’ve been heard — and then they need to hear a sympathetic response. It’s important not to be defensive or dismissive. Instead, tell them you understand how frustrating it is to be handed the wrong drink, or to be stuck waiting an extra ten minutes when you’re running late for work, and that you’re genuinely sorry it happened. Then tell them their next coffee is on the house, and hand them the magic free-drink coupon.

It’s amazing to watch how quickly someone’s anger can dissipate when they realize they’re actually being heard and taken seriously. It’s almost fun to watch the wind go out of their sails when you respond to their anger with empathy and kindness. It throws them off balance. And if you handle it correctly, you can sometimes turn a potential enemy into a friend for life. Instead of the person who messed up their coffee, you’re the person who made it all better.

3. Better to Your Face Than Behind Your Back

Here’s the sobering truth: Whether you set up a Facebook page or a Twitter account for your business or not, your customers are talking about you online. If the discussion doesn’t take place on your own home court, then it’s happening on Yelp or on personal blogs or individual social media profiles.

So the great advantage of having social media presences where your customers can communicate with you is that they can address their criticism to you directly—and that gives you a chance to turn the situation around, by doing what you can to address their concerns.

Here’s an example from an article about how banks have used social media to solve customer problems:

At Bank of America, 1,200 to 1,500 requests for assistance come in each month through its @BofA_Help handle on Twitter. Sometimes the communication starts out looking hopeless. One customer recently tweeted that he was closing all six of his accounts with Bank of America. Less than three hours later, after being contacted by a Bank of America agent, the customer wrote:

BofA has completely rectified my problem. I am delighted w/their reaction to my Tweet.

4. Solving Problems in Public Can Win You New Fans

One of the great benefits of solving problems and successfully responding to negative feedback in public is that if you do it well, it can win you goodwill and cool points with others in the crowd. They see how well you take care of your customers, and that encourages them to do business with you.

Also, if one customer is having a particular problem or question, others are probably having it too. So you may be able to save yourself time and help multiple customers by posting the answer where all of your customers can see it.

And sometimes even when you lose a confrontation with one customer, if you handle the situation with aplomb you can wind up winning with the other customers who are watching. 

Maybe you’ve witnessed a scene like this play out at a restaurant, shop, or even a bar. An irate customer is abusing the person behind the counter. The customer may have a legitimate complaint, but the way he or she is expressing it is rude, bullying, and way over the top. The person behind the counter patiently attempts to solve the customer’s problem, graciously puts up with all the insults, and does everything possible to placate the customer—to no avail. The scene continues until the customer finally storms out.

At that point, what usually happens next is that everyone in the establishment breathes a sigh of relief that the jerk is gone. And then, very often, the other customers will make a point of expressing their support for the person behind the counter. And maybe even spend or tip a little more in order to demonstrate their sympathy and respect.

The moral: Staying calm in the face of abuse is difficult, to say the least—but it can win you the loyalty of other customers.

5. Make Sure Apologies Are Sincere and Meaningful.

If you find yourself in a position where you need to make a apology in public, it’s important to do it right. 

Non-apology apologies don’t cut it, because people can tell when you’re BS-ing them. Don’t even think about going down the path of weaselly wordings like “We’re sorry if anyone was offended…” For one thing, by the time you’re saying something like that, you clearly already know that people were offended. And it’s the equivalent of saying you’re not sorry for what you did, you’re sorry you got caught. 

Ideally, an effective apology should have three characteristics:

1. It needs to communicate that you understand the impact that the mistake had on your customers, and that you empathize with them. People need to know that you recognize the problem, and that you understand why it was a problem.

2. Next, your apology should communicate what steps you’re taking to make sure the mistake doesn’t happen again in the future.

3. If at all possible, you need to make it up to your customers by offering them an olive branch. This is the equivalent of the free drink coupon at Starbucks, or an airline giving you an upgrade when you get bumped from your flight. It might be a discount, a coupon code, a replacement, a credit for future goods or services, a gift, a perk, or if necessary even a refund. Feel free to be creative — just make sure that whatever you offer is in reasonable proportion to whatever damage was done by the mistake you’re apologizing for.

If you don’t agree with the criticism, and genuinely don’t feel an apology is merited, then it’s better not to make one at all than to make one that’s obviously insincere or inadequate. State your position politely but firmly, and do what you can to let the customer know you still value them and what you can do to help them within reasonable bounds.

6. Remember That Negative Feedback Is an Opportunity to Learn Something Valuable

The main reason that Chef Gordon Ramsey gave for walking away from the owners of Amy’s Baking Company in that episode of Kitchen Nightmares was their refusal to listen.

Good listening skills are important in any business, if you’re going to be successful. And that’s especially true when it comes to social media, where listening is every bit as important as talking.

Companies spend enormous sums of money every year on research—trying to get into their customers’ heads and figure out exactly what their ideal patron wants. But one of the best things about the social media age is that you no longer have to guess what your customers are thinking. They’ll be glad to tell you—directly and for free. 

That may be painful in the short term if what they’re thinking is critical—but the silver lining is that they’re giving you valuable info about what they want from you, that you can use to improve your products and services. And if you don’t take the opportunity to learn from your customers’ feedback, your competitors might just do it for you.

Here’s a great example of that. In an article on the relative merits of LinkedIn and Twitter for businesses, the Wall Street Journal reported on a small business owner who used his social media listening skills to get an edge on his competition. 

Josh Weiss, the owner of Bluegala.com, a company that sells evening dresses and prom gowns, noticed that his competitors were getting complaints on Twitter from customers who were unhappy about shipping charges.

His savvy response? He started advertising free shipping on his own company’s website. 

Dave Awl is the author of Facebook Me! from Peachpit Press. He currently teaches social media marketing classes, in addition to helping organizations large and small successfully develop and maintain their social media presences. For more info, visit his website at Awlpoint.com and Like the official Awlpoint page at Facebook.com/Awlpoint.