Because my father was in the supermarket business, I attended a lot of grand openings as a child. I remember them fondly; the carnival-like atmosphere of a supermarket grand opening in 1964 was something to be experienced. In those days a new market was a big deal and the corporate headquarters would pull out all the stops. There were animal acts, cowboys, clowns, festive banners and, if you were lucky, a balloon artist churning out dogs, swans, hats and cats.
I was recently reminded of those days when I received a balloon animal kit. While it’s a well-done introduction to the art, I of course wasn’t satisfied with a modern take on the subject. I dug around and found two “Fun With Balloons” booklets from an apparently famous British balloon entertainer going by the stage name of Van Dyke. There is no date on either booklet, but they look like they’re from the early 1960s. The design is “desperately self-published” and very crude, but somehow that seems fitting for the text. Click on any image for a larger version.
Van Dyke was a true entertainer and much of the text tells us about the patter and jokes that accompany a good balloon act. It’s not as simple as twisting a few balloons into a poodle. You have to get laughs, too.
But before you can work on the schtick, you need to master the balloons. We learn from Van Dyke that this means getting accustomed to bursting balloons, especially if you haven’t trimmed your nails properly or used a good hand lotion to assure smooth skin.
You have to use fresh, quality balloons, keep them warm, and stretch them before inflating. And as for blowing them up, Van Dyke says “an easy way of inflating balloons is to fill the cheeks with air from the lungs and then to expel this suddenly into the balloons in ‘bursts’.”
Van Dyke seems like he’d be the life of the party. He encourages audience participation and loves to engage his fans by every so often letting a balloon loose to fly through the crowd as the air escapes. And if you practice enough, you can play tunes on a balloon by manipulating the opening as the air is expelled.
We learn that it’s a good idea to have a piano or orchestral accompaniment to your balloon act that can strike up a rousing chorus of “Daddy Wouldn’t Buy Me a Bow Wow” while you fashion a wiener dog. Van Dyke goes on to suggest that a funny way to start your act is to pop a balloon and say, “I always like to start the show with a bang.” Guaranteed laughs!
There are all kinds of balloon gags. My favorite only works in Britain and involves twisting a balloon into a series of “sausage links” and then suddenly popping them all with a pin. “What did you expect?” you ask the audience. “They are BANGERS!” Or you can let a little air out of a balloon noisily, and remark “That reminds me, I’ve got to pay the gas bill.”
Van Dyke has a whole section on “patter for balloon modeling,” with scripts to accompany various balloon sculptures. You can’t just stand there twisting balloons, especially if you’re wearing a tuxedo like Van Dyke. People expect a routine.
And though I’m not sure I’d let Van Dyke anywhere near children, he does have a whole section on fun balloon games for the kids.
You have to respect Van Dyke for taking his craft so seriously. He talks of the fame and fortune you can experience from becoming a balloon entertainer and even sold a line of his own modeling balloons.
Despite the many supermarket openings I attended, I haven’t seen a balloon act like Van Dyke’s. All I remember is a guy making hats and giraffes. But I’d love to go back to England a few decades past and catch Van Dyke in action, especially on those occasions when he had an orchestra to accompany him. Now that would be a show!
This article was last modified on March 1, 2021
This article was first published on August 5, 2011
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